It has taken over forty years, but I finally believe in myself. In a nutshell, I have been told over and over, time and again, that I would not succeed, but in the end, the only thing that matters is that I now know I will succeed.
I wrote in a previous post about the "non-believer", the person who lacks the confidence to be successful. What I forgot to discuss is how we get to that point. I am a perfect example of someone who lacked confidence and I certainly lacked a belief in myself. We aren't born that way. We are born with a certain confidence, maybe even a cockiness, or perhaps it's a lack of fear. In any event, children are born with trust and a desire for independence. Independence in itself requires confidence, otherwise we all would be by our mother's side for our entire lives.
So here is my story...at least what I can remember...
When I was five I can remember being teased by kids in my school for the way I looked. It made me feel bad, because I thought I was good looking...until that day. I no longer believed in myself as a "looker", no matter how many times my grandmother squeezed my cheeks, "Oh how cute...my boobala!", she would exclaim as she squeezed my cheeks until they hurt. No matter this expression of love from my grandmother, the words of my peers echoed. I did not believe in myself. Would you?
When I was eight, I remember singing in the class chorus. The music teacher stopped the entire chorus and asked us each to sing the song as she listened really closely and walked around. She then got close to me as we continued to sing. What was I doing wrong, I thought to myself? At that instant, she stopped the chorus, looked right at me, told me that I sounded really out of tune and placed me in the back of the chorus. Now, this was over 30 years ago and I am sure the details are off a bit, but that was my perception. I thought I was a great singer. I loved to sing in the car with my mom, at the dinner table with family and friends and of course, in the shower...and up until now, nobody told me I was anything but good. Now that my teacher told me I was bad, I believed it. I never wanted to sing again. Would you?
A few years later, as a 90 pound 9th grader, I tried out for the wrestling team. "You're not going to make the team!" someone said as I tried out at the first practice. Well, I did make the team, but not because I was good. I made the team because I was the only 90 pounder trying out and they needed a lightweight on Varsity. It was good, but it was bad. As I lost any belief in who I was, I lost almost every match. I can remember my coach telling me, at least we didn't forfeit the weight class, as that was actually worse than me losing a match. I didn't believe in myself. Would you?
When I decided to apply for colleges, I went to my guidance counselor and told him that I wanted to apply to Columbia, Cornell and Northwestern. Now, I had the grades. I had a 97% unweighted average. I was enrolled in 5 AP classes. What he then told me, shocked me. He told me that those schools were way out of my league, that I wouldn't get in. I could apply there, but I better have some backups. I didn't believe in myself. Would you?
I did get in to Cornell, I was on the waiting list for Columbia and Northwestern, but I decided to go to Syracuse University. There I studied to be a teacher, and graduated with Honors. Here is where my story turns. I became a teacher. As a teacher, I learned to hide my insecurities and my lack of confidence. Actually, my confidence began to grow as I learned how to teach. I no longer had to hide my insecurity, or my lack of confidence, because there were none. I finally believed in myself. I knew I had the skills to be a good teacher and that I could make a difference in someone's life.
So the story doesn't end there. After teaching for 10 years, I wanted to be a school administrator. I interviewed in 20 different districts and I consistently heard, "You just don't have what we are looking for." That stung each and every time. I resorted back to my younger life when I lacked confidence. Again, I didn't believe in myself. Would you?
I finally landed a job I was looking for as a department chairperson when someone took a chance because she believed in me. I then moved on to be an Assistant Principal, when the Principal I met believed in me. I then moved on to the position I currently have because there are many people around me that believed in me. With everything I have been through in my forty years, I now fully believe in myself, but it didn't happen on its own. It began to happen when I decided to believe in who I was and what I stood for. It changed when I learned to have a passion and work hard to achieve goals for my students. I no longer need the pat on the back, or the words of encouragement from my bosses. I know I am successful. I know I can be more successful. I know I make a difference. I believe in myself, so should you.
Follow me @brian_seligman
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